‘When I Grow Up’, the latest single from British Columbia songwriter Rose Brokenshire ahead of her debut EP coming later this year, arose from something of a personal epiphany. Describing herself as an “anxious people pleaser” beneath a cool, laidback exterior, Brokenshire wrote the song in the moment she decided that a life lived in thrall of other people’s expectations is no life at all. “Although this song is only a whopping five short sentences long,” Brokenshire explains, “what it represents to me is a moment in time where I completely changed the trajectory of my life.” As she continues:
The point in time where I wrote this, I was recognizing for the first time that if I continued to fit myself into other peoples lives and sacrifice my own values in order to make them happy I would end up giving up everything. The last thing I ever want to do is hurt those I care about, but sometimes it is necessary if your own integrity is at stake. I wrote this song knowing the decisions I needed to make, knowing I needed to leave a place that felt difficult to exist, and how this decision would hurt those I loved. This song is about wishing someone would just tell you what your life will look like so that the guilt and hurt you feel along the way might not feel so heavy.
The song itself wears these difficult emotions lightly, existing in a dreamy pastel-coloured world that feels warm and tranquil. Sedate percussion beats steadily behind woozy guitar and soft, gauzy atmospherics, Brokenshire’s vocals coming through smooth and syrupy. But that’s not to say it downplays the anxiety and turmoil that inspired it. Rather, it’s a moment of pure vulnerability, seeing Rose Brokenshire find the courage to open up completely, to wilfully ignore the constant nagging doubt and share the soft, squishy core of her innermost feelings. As she put it in an Instagram post to unveil the single, “Nothing is perfect except the present moment and being brave and creating art regardless of the mountain of fear that comes with doing something vulnerable.”
