We last wrote about Megadead (the latest recording project of Melbourne-based Benjamin Shaw) last year, when we reviewed Authentic Country Music, what Shaw described as the first proper Megadead album. The record was something of a departure for Shaw, at least on the surface. A playful collection that we called “a vivid plunderphonic patchwork […] a world away from the dismal depressed pop which made Benjamin Shaw’s name, and one all the more triumphant for it.” As its title suggests, recent follow-up Tragedy, Doom and So On is a different beast entirely. Released on cassette by Wiltshire-based label Hand Drawn Hand, the album is an exercise in quiet introspection, what the label describe as “an album about dead parents, absent parents, regrets and loss, and trying to come to terms with it all.”
So on the surface at least, it’s a return to type for an artist who has traditionally worked at the gloomy end of the spectrum. But on closer inspection it’s more than that. Written in the aftermath of significant family bereavements Tragedy, Doom & So On is an album about finally relenting and confronting the grief that has been held at arm’s-length for too long. Shaw’s usual sense of misanthropy is replaced with quiet contemplation inspired by those small, mundanely devastating moments, creating space to ruminate on loss and regret and attempt to come to terms with the past.
“I wanted to make something that purposely came from these feelings,” Shaw explains. “Reading old guilt-filled emails from my dad, wearing the terrible ill-fitting watch that my grandad gave me, watching videos of sweet Ned the cat, and seeing what music might come out. All with the plan that I’d have to spend a lot of time listening, editing and mixing these compositions and so actually spend time feeling this stuff rather than pushing it away.”
The result is perhaps the most mature Megadead/Benjamin Shaw release to date. One where the familiar elements—synths, sad melodies and creative use of vocal samples—are utilised toward this different headspace. From the oddly melancholic opening of ‘Hello Friend’, which builds on sombre synths with samples of a robotic voice, the syrupy hellos and goodbyes evoking an uncanny valley type of uneasiness. For a song with no conventional lyrics, it somehow captures the complicated mixture of feelings that are bundled up as “grief”. The pure base-level sense of loss shadowed by a creeping alienation, where platitudes and consolations lose their meaning and begin to sound strange and unreal.
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The wistful atmosphere continues across the record, from the instrumental ‘See you at the hotel’ to ‘Inhale Down, Exhale Down’, one of several tracks which incorporate snippets of breathing exercise instruction. Perhaps the most emotional moment comes at the midpoint in ‘Song For Ned’, a straight-up beautiful ode to a pet cat which ends on a thrumming purr, proving equal parts comforting and heartbreaking.
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But there’s something else at play across the album too. Something beyond the loss and regret. It’s present throughout if you listen closely, but there’s a moment in the slow-burning title track which feels like it revealing itself more plainly, where murmured synths and ambient recordings of indistinct voices give way to a shimmering glow. A certain enlightenment, a state conjured not by solutions to problems but rather a mind starting to accept them. A feeling which, once apparent, emanates across the remaining tracks. Despite it’s title, ‘With great regret’ has a sense of forward motion that feels constructive if not confident, and ‘Stay?’ sounds genuinely hopeful. Penultimate track ‘You died’ approaches the overarching themes most directly, a song about closure and forgiveness after the fact. It’s one of few songs with vocals proper, Shaw singing its repeated refrain with real purpose.
You died but all’s forgiven
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All that’s left then is the closing track, ‘When I think about the future’, an eight minute outro which pairs warm drones with glittering electronics that sound almost like birdsong. There’s only one line, repeated intermittently throughout, sometimes chopped up and distorted but with the same implication. “When I think about the future,” says the voice, before hesitating. “I… hmm…” As a closing note it’s an uncertain one, like that weird come-down after a period of emotion. The message seems to be that after trying to untangle, or at least accept, the knot of the past, what comes next is no more certain, but will perhaps be faced from more even ground.
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Tragedy, Doom & So On is out now on cassette and digital download via Hand drawn Hand and available to purchase via Bandcamp. UPDATE: The tapes are now sold out, so if you want one you’ll need to badger the label for a second run.
